Nobody likes to be criticized; it usually triggers memories and feelings of unworthiness or lack of love from childhood. Back then you didn’t have much control or a voice, and the adults in your life had most, if not all the power over you.
This became what I’ve coined your ‘sense of otherness‘—the inner bully that traps you in a dis-empowering past. But now that you’ve acquired more experiences and can see that life is complex, not as black-or-white as you thought, you can use anything that appears to be an obstacle as an incentive to express yourself more freely.
I don’t mean just verbally, to say how you feel and what you want, although this is important to embrace who you are within the dynamic unfolding of your own life-movie. I’m referring to how you perceive and do things, as well as everything that makes you unique as you grow and evolve through your journey. This requires self-reflection, rather than simply focusing on how others perceive you.
If you understand that your life is not separate from you but a projection of past impressions and experiences that have become subconscious tendencies, then it’s easier to shift your perception of the criticism or opposition you face through your reality. Your life-movie is a battle between your soul and ego, two opposite yet parallel forces of Consciousness (see The Battle Between Love and Ego); they allow you to participate in the world and learn from your experiences.
In truth, that’s all there is to it, but of course, you experience and learn things as you pursue desires, accomplish goals, make contributions, and heal karmic dynamics with other souls. The ego-mind loves praise and validation, because it maintains this illusion that you’re supposed to be perfect and not merely human. This is how it robs you of your joy and the possibility of connecting to the flow of your life as it is, while remaining present and anchored in yourself, which is what true fulfillment is about. But the more you fight life, the unhappier you become.
Your Life Is Your Own Doing
You grew up with a wounded need to belong, to be appreciated and loved, and you’re still chasing love and appreciation outside of you. The ego-mind uses this against you, to make you feel that you should be someone other than who you are, doing something other than what you’re doing or want to do. In this sense, it repeats the dis-empowering dynamics of childhood, keeping you stuck in a wounded child archetype, either in temper-tantrum mode or disenchanted with life.
What does it take to grow out of it, to maintain the confidence of being yourself in spite of what the external world thinks or judges about you? If I had to sum it up in one word, it would be faith. Faith in yourself, since you are essentially perfect but also work in progress. Faith in the Universe that supports you. Faith in your soul as it guides you. Faith in the spiritual forces within and around you that create everything. Faith that life happens as it is meant to, for your own growth.
Not because there’s ‘a plan behind it,’ as many people like to think, which is really the wounded child archetype speaking, to avoid responsibility. The only plan here is the expansion of Consciousness, because this is a divine play of Consciousness—through and for you. Your life unfolds according to your own tendencies and karma; as you learn to take spiritual responsibility for everything in it, dropping the victim-blame-righteousness games of ego, it shifts and transforms. But it will keep reflecting what’s hidden or needs resolution within you until you reach absolute spiritual freedom.
You bring forth greater light and love as you become aware of the unconscious patterns of perception that shape what you see as obstacles along the way. Self-awareness yields confidence. So when you find external criticism or judgment, take a deep breath to find your center, and ask yourself:
- Why is this in my life-movie right now and what can I learn about myself from it?
- What wounded or unconscious beliefs and expectations is it pointing at?
- What is the main message to help me uncover my own self-defeating patterns?
- What am I so attached to that this is reflecting back in a painful way?
- How can I respond to this without losing my center or giving my power away?
- Which is the path of least resistance to move past this without investing much energy (to reinforce it)?
If criticism becomes internal, and you beat yourself up with regrets and negative memories of what you should have said or done, or illusions of what you are or aren’t supposed to do, then it’s time to take a closer look within to uncover what prevents you from being at peace with yourself and your life. So contact me today to develop emotional and spiritual freedom by unraveling the mental patterns keeping you from embracing and expressing all of who you are!
© 2019 Yol Swan. All rights reserved.