Do you start projects but don’t finish them, or procrastinate till the last minute to do what needs to get done? Well, you’re not alone and, like most people, you may be unaware that it’s your own resistance to grow that gets in the way of accomplishing your goals or experiencing fulfillment.
Of course, the idea of going against your desires seems absurd. After all, you know you want something, but there’s a misalignment between your conscious objectives and the subconscious emotional energy distorting your perception and behavior—your wounded child archetype. This is precisely what you’re here to heal by gaining emotional and spiritual maturity (see Growing Out Of The Wounded Child Archetype).
Your true nature is peace, love, and freedom, which is why you yearn for these, except that the ego-mind makes you believe you will find them outside of you by producing a constant flow of thoughts and desires that draw your attention outwards. Plus, its very nature is that of attachment, aversion, and fear, with which it pushes you to seek external validation and gratification. However, this is how it disconnects you from yourself.
This is also how it keeps you emotionally stuck in the past—in outdated patterns of perception. To move in a different direction, accomplish a new goal, or break free from toxic dynamics, you have to stretch beyond those patterns, so the ego-mind triggers emotional resistance to hold you back. The unknown seems scary while the familiar gives you the illusion of control. This process usually goes something like this:
You feel stuck and want to get to a better place personally or spiritually. You figure out possible ways to achieve what you want and get excited about the future. But you hesitate to move forward because you don’t know if you’re ready. You may get scattered with too many ideas, overwhelmed with details, or you just can’t find the motivation (or focus) to take action. Your desire turns into confusion, and you either give up or try to figure out what to do to continue.
Perhaps you reach out for help to carry on with your endeavor. Then you realize the process requires more continuity, commitment, and perseverance than you anticipated. Having to take one step at a time produces frustration and impatience; your wounded child archetype wants instant gratification!
You start questioning your decisions or finding fault in the people or things involved in your process, projecting your fear and guilt as anger and blame. This is your resistance building up. As a reflection of this, life throws you a monkey wrench. Something gets in the way and draws your attention and energy away from your focus: loved ones requiring your care, sudden health or financial issues, unexpected obstacles or life dramas, or even smaller types of interference such as a trip or friends or family visiting.
Resistance Is Anything That Sets You Off-Center
Before you know it, a short distraction is followed by another distraction, and then another, slowly setting you off-course until you’re involved in situations that take your time away from what you set out to achieve. This is your sense of otherness at work, sabotaging your sense of self—that is, your individuation.
When you try to reconnect to your process, now there’s a gap that causes confusion. You cannot see what’s deviating you from your goal or why you’re not as connected anymore, so you question it. Maybe it’s not the right time or the right path. Maybe it’s not worth the effort. Maybe it was a mistake.
Even if it was not ideal, where you were before is less uncomfortable. As you let the wounded child (or teenager) archetype take over, you lose patience, discipline, and trust. Why don’t things just fall on your lap? You procrastinate and stop believing in yourself, further stalling and sliding back until you’re no longer investing in your project or goal.
You may start over if you feel trapped or stuck again, but now the impression of “failure” increases your resistance, thus strengthening your inner bully with the idea that you cannot trust yourself because you’re not good enough or don’t have what it takes to achieve what you want. Either that, or the feelings of disconnection got stronger and now you lack the enthusiasm to start over.
This process may look different depending on the situation, but the dynamic is similar for everyone: the desire for individuation and freedom is invariably followed by the resistance to let go of what blocks them. Your sense of otherness is projected as disruptions, obstacles, dramas, and doubts to hide the unconscious fear and guilt (of being free) that keep you spinning in old patterns of perception and behavior.
Clearly, the more empowering or liberating your endeavor, the greater your resistance. But no matter how many times you slide back, you should never give up. You can disrupt any deviation at any point; the key is to question your life-movie and redirect your attention inwards to detach and re-center while “riding the wave of discomfort” as you move forward. This discomfort is the resistance you need to pierce through.
Nothing can be accomplished without effort, continuity, and determination. Any setback or presumed mistake is just an experience through which you can learn and mature. You have to keep at it until you master the process and use it to better know yourself and your egoic resistance, to grow out of the wounded child archetype and experience the freedom to be who you are, here and now. So contact me today to embark on your journey of self-discovery and learn tools to gain emotional and spiritual freedom!
© 2021 Yol Swan. All rights reserved.