Do you know why you react to certain situations and people in a negative, impulsive manner? Why do you get upset or lash out when someone says or does something? I doubt you’re thinking, “Oh, I’m going to get angry about this now.” It’s not a conscious decision; the anger comes out without you having a saying in the matter!
You may be feeling ignored or unsupported, or whatever it is that you’re feeling in that moment, and you may justify your reactions by judging what others are doing or saying, but certain thoughts, expectations, and assumptions must precede those emotions to trigger a strong, impulsive reaction.
For instance, feeling unheard implies the belief that others are supposed to listen to you because they’re your partners, family, friends, children, and so on. Your desire to be heard creates the attachment and expectation of what their behavior should be like; these must be in you before you can feel anything or react to what they do and say.
But they’re just ideas you identify with that distort your experience. The very fact that the other person doesn’t respond as you want proves that these ideas come from your ego-mind and are not necessarily true. Nobody is really yours or obligated to make you happy; your own expectations and hidden, unresolved emotions cause you suffering. The key is inquiring, in that moment, “What am I so attached to or afraid of?”
Perhaps someone’s behavior triggers you because it reminds you of past situations where you felt the same way but couldn’t do anything about them. You’re so afraid of those painful feelings that you prefer to hide them behind your anger. But the anger is also painful; it’s just a different flavor of the pain you’re trying to avoid (feeling powerless, insignificant, small, etc.).
Let’s be honest. In that moment when anger takes over, you seem strong and powerful, but when its intensity fades you likely feel depleted and ashamed. The real issue is not how you feel, but how enslaved by your unconscious patterns of perception you are; how you let them disturb the peace within yourself and with others that would create the type of interactions you really want.
Self-Awareness Is Love & It Sets You Free
Negative emotions affect you on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level, tainting your experience of life, because they arise when the ego-mind needs to protect itself—that is, when it feels threatened or diminished in some way. It has to regain control, and it does so by blocking the higher mind that gives you the discrimination to make conscious decisions (see You Can’t Be Happy Without Understanding Your Mind).
When the higher mind or intellect is under developed or disturbed by alcohol, drugs, or intense emotions, the lower or ego-mind owns your behavior. It brings up unresolved feelings and the attachment to certain ideas and desires to push the impulse to feel, say, or do things you wouldn’t if you could see yourself and others clearly—as unique expressions of the same Divine Consciousness.
It disconnects you from yourself by blocking the clarity and love within you—your true essence. It’s like having a dark screen of ignorance between you and another person that prevents you from removing the delusion of duality to respond with empathy, while hindering the consciousness of what is really fueling your reactions.
The innate self-centeredness of the ego makes it all about you and your wounded needs, promoting the ideas that others are supposed to fulfill your expectations and make your life easier so you don’t have to take responsibility for what remains unresolved within you. It accomplishes this by fixating your attention on others, creating the sense of separation and lack (see Without Self-Awareness All You Can See Is Ego).
In truth, this sense of deficiency and isolation is the very nature of your ego. If you feel ignored, it’s because you are invisible to yourself; if you feel unsupported or unappreciated, you’re not valuing yourself; if you feel unloved, you’re disconnected from who you really are. Your external reality is but a reflection of your inner, subconscious world; the painful aspects are simply pointing at what you’re here to heal.
If you look for validation and happiness outside of you, you give your ego-mind the power to control your emotions and behavior instead of developing what you need to transform your perception and experience of life: self-awareness, detachment, and discrimination. Taking charge of your life means taking spiritual responsibility for everything in your reality as a reflection of you, to reclaim the power to manage your energy and live in Awareness. So contact me today to learn how to use your own reflection to master the ego-mind and gain emotional and spiritual freedom!
© 2021 Yol Swan. All rights reserved.
