Do you find yourself wishing your relationships were easier or that you’d get less triggered by close interactions? Well, first let me tell you, you’re not alone! Most of us (especially feminine souls) have this idea that we could all get along if we just listened to each other. I’m not saying it’s not possible, because I know it is, but it depends on where and how you place yourself in relation to those you interact with. In other words, how emotionally free you are—or not.
Let me explain. If you tend to focus on what others are doing or saying and then react to their behavior, your attempts at communicating or ‘convincing’ them of anything, to change or control how they act, will usually fall short because your perception is based on the idea that your reality and the people in it are separate from you. But they really aren’t, so any change you desire has to happen from within you.
Yes, these are individual souls with a unique journey and path, like yourself, but if they’re in your life-movie, at least certain aspects of them reflect your own perception. If you didn’t share these aspects, in synchronistic, karmic resonance, they simply wouldn’t be in your life. So rather than trying to change anyone, you should concentrate your efforts on your personal transformation.
Everything in your reality reflects your perception; this is how your soul projects what you need to look at and resolve, heal, or let go of this lifetime. The ego-mind pulls your attention outward and creates the illusion of separation, but you can choose to consciously shift your perception to redesign your life-movie. This is taking spiritual responsibility, and it requires developing emotional freedom, which eventually leads you to spiritual freedom as you purify and dissolve the ego.
Emotional freedom results from self-awareness and self-expression and grows as you gradually stretch beyond the mental and emotional ‘comfort zones’ that have kept you silent or small simply because they make you feel ‘safe’ due to their familiarity. If you understand that your experience is a projection of yourself, invariably tainted with past impressions you identify with, then it’s clear that you need emotional freedom to make conscious choices and feel connected to yourself rather than unwillingly reacting to your emotional triggers (see Do You Know Your Emotional Triggers?).
But it requires the ongoing, mindful practice of strengthening your sense of self by quieting the ego-mind (that is, disbelieving your ‘sense of otherness‘), and choosing self-love over fear or self-judgment every step of the way, to promote maturity and flexibility—even when others think you’re foolish or selfish. This is YOUR life, and you can choose to invest in what empowers YOU.
Here are 3 habits you must nurture to begin developing emotional flexibility and freedom:
1. Express Yourself Freely But With No Expectations
You must give yourself permission to express your emotions, ideas, and desires, regardless of what others think or say. You can be one-in-yourself even if other people do not understand or agree with you, or if they aren’t even listening. The idea is to take more and more emotional space, if you will, but without expecting anyone to approve or validate you. It means taking care of your self-expression for its own sake, to promote the growth of your inner child. Even if nobody listens or supports you, YOU always do.
2. Set Boundaries and Learn To Say NO
Be clear about what makes you happy and what doesn’t, and again, give yourself permission to draw a firm line between being generous or compassionate and self-effacing. Emotional flexibility means taking care of yourself without diminishing others and caring for others without neglecting your needs. In other words, drop the idea that doing this or that to please someone else makes you spiritual or a good person (it’s just ego-based codependency), and embrace your own desires, even if saying NO feels uncomfortable.
3. Start Investing In What Makes YOU Happy
Taking spiritual responsibility means you understand that external events and behaviors reflect what you need to heal, nurture, or let go of in yourself. So rather than seeking love and appreciation outside, start giving yourself what you need to feel good about your life: love, care, compassion, trust, creative expression, self-awareness, fulfilling work, and so on.
Nobody knows what YOU want better than you, even if your own voice has been overpowered by the need to please those you care about. Invest in yourself, your self-care, and your projects. Your self-love will overflow as love for everyone else and anything you offer will come from a more loving place, not as a result of a wounded need.
Clearly, this process doesn’t happen without resistance from the ego-mind that wants to keep you stuck where you are—in the wounded child archetype—to remain in control of you. So contact me today and learn how to manage your energy and maintain that resistance at bay, by purifying and mastering your ego, to move steadily in the direction of the most authentic and fulfilling expression of your true, freedom-seeking self!
© 2016 Yol Swan. All rights reserved.