What would be the best version of yourself? Which are the most valuable qualities and features of the person you yearn to become—a more centered, clearer, and empowered you? I’m going to guess generosity is one of them, for it’s the nature of your soul to want to make a contribution to your community and the world, no matter how small or unconventional.
But being truly generous requires sharing yourself from a deeper, more authentic place, with love and clarity of purpose, clear boundaries and conscious choices rather than a compulsion to give, give, give while diminishing yourself in some way, which is really a sign of codependency and the need for validation.
Imagine that a close friend asks you to lend them a thousand dollars. Once you check your pockets, you let them know you don’t have a thousand dollars; but they insist and try to push you to give them the money they need, right now. Would you feel pressured to comply or guilty for not having a thousand dollars to support your friend? Now, if it involves something material, it may be easier to refuse or justify why you can’t help, but when it comes to your energy, it’s a whole other story.
If there’s a balanced exchange of energy that flows freely, without second thoughts or inner tugs with which your intuition is saying ‘no,’ you’re good; it may be a true desire to share yourself that comes from love or a step in the direction of something you’re meant to experience. But if you feel obligated to meet other people’s needs, answer their questions, or be supportive, polite, or compliant in situations where you’re uncomfortable or don’t want to be involved, then you can be sure your ego-mind is pressuring you to go against your best judgment, to diminish your sense of self.
Your sense of otherness has the ability to make things fuzzy and push you to follow unconscious impulses to remain in control. It may make you feel like a good person in the moment, but it disconnects you from yourself, because the real motivation behind these patterns of behavior is a need to be in control that comes from ego—it’s about controlling uncomfortable emotions. There’s an underlying belief that if you don’t comply with other people’s demands or expectations you’re a selfish person, and if others don’t comply with yours, they don’t love you.
Letting Go of the Need To Control
One thing that’s become crystal clear to me, after more than 30 years of personal and spiritual exploration, is that if you want to shape a fulfilling life, you must allow life to shape you. You must surrender the egoic need to control to the spiritual forces within and around you. This is easier said than done, since the illusion of control gives a sense of safety, and letting it go requires great faith, self-awareness, and self-love.
These are a few examples of how you may attempt to control life:
- You rationalize your emotions to avoid feeling things you don’t know how to deal with.
- You buffer uncomfortable feelings with compulsions or addictions (food, TV, cigarettes, games, alcohol, drugs, conflicts, etc.).
- You feel obligated to meet other people’s needs and expect others to behave in ways that suit yours.
- You punish yourself with negative thoughts and regrets (the ‘woulds,’ coulds,’ ‘shoulds’).
- You resist or fight how your life unfolds rather than learning from each experience.
- You give your power away by holding on to the past with grudges and disappointments.
The emotional freedom of a generous spirit comes from embracing what is and learning from what every situation is pointing at that you have the power and responsibility to transform in yourself. The self-importance of the ego-mind keeps you trapped in the wounded child archetype; this lack of emotional maturity goes against the abundance and generosity with which you want to live and experience life.
When you do things for their own sake, without hidden motivations, agendas, or fears, and you stop over analyzing or fighting the fluctuations of your life, you discover the abundance within and around you that pervades all of life. This is an abundance of love, which is the substance you’re made of that you’re also meant to share with others in many different ways: through your work, ideas, energy, time, affection, support, memories, and so on.
But if you exclude any aspect of yourself from the equation of love, you’re hiding and not really sharing yourself. You need radical honesty to become a generous spirit contributing your share of Consciousness to the world. In truth, your most generous gift is your spiritual transformation. So contact me today to recognize and dissolve the tricks and patterns of ego preventing you from living a soul-guided life, and become the best version of yourself!
© 2018 Yol Swan. All rights reserved.