Are You Aware Of Your Self-Defeating Patterns?

release negative emotional patterns with an intuitive spiritual counselor & coachImagine the following story. Your great grandmother is asked by her uncle or another relative to hold a big box with his stuff while he goes on a trip. The sealed box is quite heavy and very big.

Your great grandmother keeps it in a special place in her house for safekeeping. Months go by and the person it belongs to doesn’t show to pick it up.

Your great grandma would never open the package to see what’s inside, for she agreed to keep it intact for her relative. She waits and waits, but the uncle never comes back.

Years go by and now she is getting older and weary, so she decides to pass on the responsibility of this box to your grandmother. The story repeats itself, since nobody ever claims the package, and your grandmother passes it on to your mother. Finally, your mother gives you the responsibility to take care of this heavy box.

You often wonder what’s inside, but opening it would be a great disloyalty to your mother, your grandmother, and you great grandmother. This big old weight has been quietly passed on, generation after generation, and turned into an obligation that nobody questions. You don’t even remember the actual story behind it and the responsibility is overwhelming, but you believe that this is important for your mother and you want to please her, just like she wanted to please hers, and so on.

This is exactly how you carry unconscious patterns that get in the way of your desires, goals, and aspirations! You may not know how you acquired them, but they’ve become such an integral part of your perception that it’s hard for you to recognize and get rid of them. Letting them go requires a great emotional effort, for they carry a lot of energy with the unconscious pressure to remain loyal to the figures and voices you’ve internalized as your sense of “otherness.”

Here’s the thing. These patters will stall and stop you from accomplishing what you want until you make a clear choice between this sense of obligation for what’s been passed on to you or taking spiritual responsibility for yourself.

In other words, you must decide whether to remain stuck where you are due to unconscious beliefs and attitudes of authority figures in your past, or choose to unravel your negative mental and emotional habits and use their energy to create something that better resonates with who you are and what you truly want now.

Isn’t it time to open your symbolic great grandma’s package to discover what the heavy load you’ve been carrying is all about? Here are a few steps to get you started:

  1.  Think of a current goal, desire, or dream (something you really want, not a generic idea);
  2.  Observe the mental attitude or chatter that does not believe in you—the voice that gives you all the reasons why you shouldn’t pursue your desires or goals;
  3.  Reduce that voice to one or three words that describe it; for example: self-judgment, lack of purpose, hopelessness, I don’t matter, I’m insignificant, others judge me, I feel guilty, I’m being selfish, doing something wrong, I’m worthless, I don’t deserve, I can’t be trusted, etc.;
  4.  Now ask yourself: “What would happen if I accomplished what I want?” “How would that change my relationships and my life?” “Who would approve or disapprove?” “What would I lose?”
  5.  Reflect on this and be completely honest when you answer: What would you need to let go of to achieve your goal or fulfill your desire?

Once you can label any emotional pattern or negative mental habit, think of all the places, attitudes, dynamics, interactions, or memories where it has shown up. Becoming aware of your self-defeating patterns is like bringing light into a dark room, to know where you stand in relation to everyone and everything else in that room.

I know it’s not always easy or clear to identify those pesky patterns. So contact me now to begin unraveling deeply ingrained mental and emotional habits that dis-empower you and get in the way of the life you came to experience and enjoy!

© 2015 Yol Swan. All rights reserved.

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