I went to college for the first time when I turned 20, then again in my early 30s, and later I studied homeopathy in my early 40s. As you can imagine, I felt like a total beginner all those times. Can you relate to this, even if you’re not starting anything new? My ego-mind didn’t like this at all, but then I realized that this feeling wasn’t about starting over. It was the resistance that comes with personal growth.
Like the Universe itself, life moves in waves and cycles, and each cycle brings a new opportunity that feels like a beginning, even if it’s part of a yet bigger phase that holds the continuity we need to accomplish anything. If you pay close attention, you’ll notice that around the same time every year you are given the opportunity to revisit or review similar issues you had to deal with the year before. Oftentimes issues return as emotional memories but sometimes you can also see a more obvious repetition of a previous experience.
A few examples can be things like: a particular type of conversation or argument, especially with the same person; a sudden financial decrease or increase; a relationship or family drama; and any feelings associated with beginnings or endings. Think of where you were at and how you felt last year around this time. Of course, the emotional stuff you are here to understand and work through will repeat on a regular basis, because the fabric of your life was weaved with patterns created from these issues.
Now, how much of a beginner you truly are becomes crystal clear when you’ve been on a spiritual path or a journey of self-exploration and self-awareness for a while. No matter how much you’ve worked on yourself, you keep dealing with the same unresolved issues, and sometimes things you thought you had finally put to sleep resurface to slap you in the face.
After years of psychotherapy and a 3-year personal retreat, during which I cut off almost completely from the world, I found myself dealing with the same issues as a Buddhist nun doing 40 days of intense Vipassana meditation, and later again under the guidance of an enlightened master I followed for over 12 years. Each time I felt like a beginner, and each time the cycles repeated themselves to show me a different aspect of my old patterns.
The same stuff showed up in every relationship, every business venture, every stage of life, and every step of the way. Yet through the process of feeling like a beginner over and over, I came to the realization that in the life of spirit, we’re always at the beginning. This is not because we’re starting anything new; we’re on a soul journey and in reality everything we do is a continuation of something we’ve done before in this or a past life.
Being at the beginning (of each moment, day, or phase) means that you’re given the opportunity to look at something old with new eyes to discover aspects you couldn’t see before. Your ego-mind wants instant gratification and pushes you to you jump ahead of yourself, or to believe that you should be somewhere other than where you are; then it pulls you back into the past when given the chance. As long as you continue trapped in this mental loop, it rules your life while you remain dis-empowered.
Your soul, however, wants you to be able to recognize the issues you came to work through from every possible angle so you can make conscious choices when they show up again—responding according to your higher principles instead of acting out of obligation or being triggered by them. This is true power. This is true freedom.
Eventually, those issues will lose their triggers and be put to sleep for good. You’ll find peace as the humble spiritual beginner who accepts life as it comes, opens up to the Divine Feminine to show you the way, and navigates life with the love and enthusiasm of a divine child. Are you ready to embrace this? Contact me today and get started on the path toward this feminine self-empowerment and emotional freedom!
© 2014 Yol Swan. All rights reserved.
