One of the main purposes of my work is to help my clients create an authentic life (or business) in alignment with their soul. This comes from my own struggle figuring out what to do to feel more connected and at peace with myself and the world. I can tell you, it didn’t come easy… :-)
I remember my mother comparing my behaviors to those of other kids, as if I was supposed to be like them. The “pack mentality” never worked for me. I needed something else: to understand WHO I was and WHY I felt compelled to do or behave the way I did. Of course, my mother was a natural diplomat and I was more of a blunt rebellious type.
I yearned to know myself, to understand what made me me and what I was supposed to do in the world. I hoped that my self-exploration would give my life more meaning and provide a sense of purpose. It most certainly has, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m deeply grateful for those who’ve guided me along the way!
In that process I’ve also learned to distinguish the truth from a few lies and myths we all tend to tell ourselves. This may sound strange, but there is no “real you” to speak of, at least not the way most people think of it. Yes, there is an authentic self that resonates with things that make you feel connected to yourself, but it is not fixed. It’s multifaceted and multi-layered. This becomes obvious if you observe how the environment affects you. Your behavior changes depending on who you engage with.
You’ve probably experienced that some people bring out the best in you and others bring out the worst. And then there’s everything in between: relationships triggering a variety of reactions, which are basically reflections of unconscious aspects you may or may not be willing to accept. Aren’t we wonderfully complex beings? If you lose your ability to adjust and grow and be flexible, you become rigid and start hitting invisible emotional walls—your own mental barriers.
Being Authentic Means Being Free
The “real you” has many faces, many layers, and many ways to respond. The ego-mind (and society reinforces this) wants you to believe that you can only be either this or that (good or bad, positive or negative, responsible or playful, outgoing or shy, happy or unhappy, and so on). If you accept some of these labels as part of your identity, you’ll end up feeling lost and missing parts, like a Swiss cheese with holes.
You’ll probably try to hide or leave behind those aspects you consider “unacceptable” and hold yourself to some high standards of being “good” (whatever that means to you). But is this self-image the true YOU or just another trap with which you judge and punish yourself—through others—and deny yourself what you really want to be, express, and accomplish?
The real YOU should be free: free to choose, free to say no, free to say yes, free to love, free to receive, and free to respond according to the situation without fixating on what others may think or expect. Once you embrace that true you there is no need to hide or run away; you can face life head on because you give yourself permission to bend and stretch and retreat and move forward as you choose, without judgment or resistance.
Now, how do you discover or uncover this real YOU? By developing emotional flexibility, which is a feminine quality we’ve been conditioned to dismiss and suppress. Hey, we’re supposed to be rational, logical, and “scientific.” We’ve learned to fear our emotions because we believe they’ll make us lose control. And yet, without fully accepting them, there is simply no way to develop the flexibility to embody your authentic self.
Emotions are energy. If you learn to consciously manage your energy, emotional flexibility and control will follow. You can choose how much energy you put where, how you interpret your reality, and how you handle the obstacles in front of you. Like a martial artist, you can take what comes toward you and shift it to your advantage. Funny thing is, once you accept the “negative” in you, it turns into deeper insight.
I know, this takes much courage, but you can receive guidance and support to make it easier and quicker. Contact me now and start discovering all the layers of the true YOU, to become the master of your own destiny!
© 2014 Yol Swan. All rights reserved.