We all yearn for happiness. And now, everywhere we turn we see books, teachers, and traditions offering methods to cultivate it. Meditations, affirmations, and gratitude practices, even renunciation are often prescribed as pathways to happiness. But what if all these methods are missing the point? What if happiness is not something to be attained but something that emerges when all our efforts cease?
Despite their best intentions, many spiritual teachers reinforce the idea that happiness is the result of something external: good will, righteous deeds, certain practices or rituals, and so on. Whether it’s positive thinking, mindfulness, or devotion, the underlying message remains the same: “If you do this, happiness will follow.” But this approach assumes that happiness is something separate from you, something you must acquire or develop.
Yet, the more you strive for happiness, the more you unconsciously reinforce the belief that you have to work hard to deserve it; otherwise, you would already have it. This creates a mental loop where seeking happiness keeps you in a constant state of seeking (from the idea of lacking), which prevents you from experiencing what you yearn for.
Wrong Teachings on Happiness
Most people believe they will be happy once they succeed in the material world and acquire all its trappings. But successful people can be quite miserable, often seeking to escape reality with distractions and addictions. In truth, the more you have, the more you want to have; that’s just how the greedy ego-mind works.
On the other hand, many spiritual paths suggest that happiness arises when we become a better, more enlightened version of ourselves. With enough discipline, self-improvement, or purification, we will eventually reach a lasting state of joy. But this also assumes that happiness can only exist in some future version of ourselves because our current and previous states are flawed.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you shouldn’t improve or focus on personal growth, but true happiness cannot be found in becoming something. It emerges as you recognize that there is nothing to become or fix or achieve; that only what is real is here and now, and you are exactly where you are meant to be, even if you think there might be something better somewhere else.
Happiness is not an achievement; it is the ever-present background of life—its very essence. You experience it whenever you are anchored in the present: when you engage with those you love, when you concentrate of something you enjoy, when you relax or stop following your negative tendencies of perception to embrace the moment (see Do You Give Yourself Permission To Be Happy?). The tricky part is for you to quiet the mind to be fully present, so it’s usually just a fleeting state that keeps you wanting more. (See How To Live Your Life With Presence.)
The Misunderstanding of Suffering
We usually frame suffering as something we need to eliminate, dissolve, or turn it into something better or “higher,” instead of recognizing that suffering is what brings transformation. It is an experience rooted in our perception, in our attachment to the ego—our sense of separation. As long as we identify with this delusion, we will experience pain and suffering. Even the idea that suffering should not exist creates resistance to life, and this resistance also causes suffering.
Ultimately, suffering allows us to recognize what thoughts and ideas have caused a misalignment with or disconnection from ourselves. In this sense, happiness is the absence of our resistance to life—to what is as it is. When you embrace all that arises in your life-movie and stop judging your experiences as desirable and undesirable, happiness reveals itself as the inner peace of your divine nature.
Happiness is freedom—from pain, from disease, from desire—and it is also love—the opposite of fear. It is not something we attain through effort but through letting go of our mental fluctuations and attachments: when we stop searching and live fully present in the moment.
Once we release the need to be “this” or “that” to be happy, the tension of seeking dissolves. We stop trying to manufacture a specific idea of joy, and in doing so, we discover the quiet, unwavering peace that has always been there, at the core of our existence: the stillness of simply being, free from the belief that something is missing.
This is not easy, and that’s also why we need many tools and methods to remove the false ideas that keep us in the delusion of separation. The ego is a great trickster that blocks the Divine Consciousness or Awareness we all are, so we have to understand how the mind works to remove the identifications that keep us unconsciously attached to our suffering.
However, once you stop chasing happiness as some kind of reward for your efforts, you’ll realize that happiness is your natural state, which is constantly blocked by the flow of thoughts and desires that distort your perception of reality. So contact me today to start clearing those and exploring new possibilities of experience as you gain the emotional and spiritual freedom needed to be truly happy!
P.S. If you’re not ready to work with me as your spiritual mentor to delve deeply within, you can learn about the workings of the ego-mind to transform your perception and experience by implementing the Swan Method I share in You Are Your Healer: The Ultimate Guide to Heal Your Past, Transform Your Life & Awaken to Your True Self!
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