Have you noticed that most of our worldly life revolves around control? From romantic relationships or parenting to work dynamics and public images, we feel a constant pressure to control situations, nature, or the future. We’ve built entire systems—cultural, political, medical, educational—around the illusion that we can and must control life to feel safe.
Yet beneath this obsessive need lies a fundamental disconnection from our true Self.
As souls caught in the web of duality, we’ve forgotten our essential nature and power, projecting it outward in the form of manipulation and domination. The ego-mind, ruled by fear and past impressions, clings to control as a survival strategy. Its purpose is to block Divine Consciousness—the totality we are—by individualizing life, so it only knows its own fragmentation.
The idea of control is a core (masculine) aspect of the ego-mind, and the world is a clear reflection of this illusion. The more we cling to the idea of control, the stronger the ego becomes, leading us to more suffering. For this reason, real transformation has to happen from within and be more feminine: rather than control and coercion, we need more love, tolerance, and community—a sense of togetherness in the recognition that we are all the One Self undergoing a human experience.
Control can be an addiction. Even if we feel we have control over certain aspects of life, the ego unconsciously creates a sense of dissatisfaction or insufficiency, so we keep looking to control other aspects (or people). But that leads to more dissatisfaction and reinforces the need to control. This is why those with power and wealth want more power and wealth. They’re stuck in a loop of greed and discontentment while pursuing fleeting experiences they believe will get them out of it.
To let go of this addiction, we need to recognize that control is an illusion, a fabrication of the mind to remain active and foster a disconnection from our true, divine nature.
The need to control arises in the wounded child archetype that the ego embodies—the inner child that never felt truly seen or loved—that we project as our reality. When we were not allowed to express ourselves authentically, when we felt shamed, rejected, or abandoned, we instinctually tried to gain a sense of safety by controlling our environment in some way—through our behaviors, roles, and attitudes (see Understanding Your Wounded Child Archetype).
Whether we succeeded or not is another story, but the need to control became more ingrained as we grew up and had to deal with more complex situations. However, no amount of external control can fill our lack of self-love. The more we attempt to impose order from the outside, the more chaotic our inner world becomes. And the more we try to control others, the more we lose control of ourselves.
The World Reflects What You Carry Within
From the perspective of non-duality, nothing exists outside of the Divine Consciousness you really are. The world is a projection of the ego: your subconscious content and tendencies of perception—your fears, beliefs, and unhealed wounds that become form and function in your experience.
All the turmoil we see on the planet mirrors the unresolved pain and confusion within each of us. So when we witness control, authoritarianism, or rigidity “out there,” we are looking at aspects of ourselves that may have been dormant, suppressed, or dismissed.
The question is, what part of you still seeks to control your experience?
What do you not yet trust about life—or about yourself?
The ego-mind will always externalize and blame others. It makes you think, “They are the problem,” or “The world has gone mad.” Or, as the existentialist Jean Paul Sartre wrote, “Hell is the others.” But the truth is that there are no others. It is the ego’s sense of otherness that we perceive as the world, so it is from within that we can transform it. There are no different selves, only different expressions of the One Self inviting you to awaken from the dream of separation.
The antidote to our addiction to control is not more control or power; it is awareness, rooted in radical self-inquiry and the surrender of the idea of being a “doer.” The sense of doership is part of the ego’s mechanism to maintain the illusion of control, which is its essence. Life is Consciousness unfolding on its own, and everything that happens is part of this unfolding, including your reactions and you impulses to take action.
Your true power emerges when you drop the idea of being the doer and relinquish the need to control, to instead attune yourself to the flow of life. This is not passivity—it is active receptivity. It is feminine wisdom—the ability to listen deeply and respond from the heart rather than react from fear.
Every time you recognize your impulse to control and choose instead to step back to simply witness it with loving awareness and detachment, you dissolve a karmic knot (which is what has brought you to the current unpleasant experience) and move closer to your true essence, which is Love, Light, and Freedom (see From Fear to Truth and Love: Where Your Real Power Lies).
Reclaiming Inner Authority
To transform the world, you must transform yourself because it arises from within you. When you do the inner work needed to restore inner authority—that is, when you integrate everything you are to heal your contradictions—you stop projecting your pain and fear onto the world. You no longer need to fix anything, prove your worth, or manipulate life. You trust its unfolding, even when it’s messy or mysterious (see Harness Your Inner Power By Embracing the Messiness of Life).
- We counter the need to control by healing the wound of separation within ourselves.
- By embracing inner freedom, we seed freedom into the collective mind field.
- By embodying love, we dissolve fear wherever it tries to take root.
The spiritual revolution begins in your own heart, when you look within and let go of the distorted ideas that keep you trapped in suffering. But you need guidance and support to see things as they really are and shift your experience of reality. So contact me today to learn an effective method of self-exploration and energy management to gain emotional and spiritual freedom in these challenging times!
If you’re not ready to work with me one-on-one to delve deeply within, you can learn about the workings of your ego-mind to transform your perception and experience by implementing the Swan Method I share in You Are Your Healer: The Ultimate Guide to Heal Your Past, Transform Your Life & Awaken to Your True Self!