I remained quite reserved as a child when facing social situations I was unwillingly placed in. This is how I conserved my energy, until I was sure it was okay to share it. I remember accompanying my mother to visit her friends and meeting their children without immediately engaging, especially with those who seemed reluctant to connect with me.
We’d first spend some uncomfortable time in the backyard or in their room, trying to figure out how to “break the ice” and have fun with each other. Once we found something to do, we’d play until we had to say goodbye. The next time we met, however, we’d usually go through a similarly resistant song and dance.
Mind you, this didn’t happen with my school or neighborhood friends. Those connections were a lot more natural and enjoyable. Awkward or “forced” situations seemed to add an extra layer of self-consciousness and caution. I guess I was supposed to have fun, because it was convenient for my mom and her friends to have their children entertain each other.
Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t torturous—after all, I was creative and imaginative and loved playing—but it was a different kind of fun, like one of those experiences you manage to enjoy or at least gracefully bear because you have no other choice. For instance, I had an uncle who showed his affection by pinching my cheek, which I honestly hated but had to accept since there was no avoiding it.
Back then my life was largely controlled by the desires and actions of adults, and like everyone else, I internalized these interactions into mental patterns that in time became a second skin—what I call the sense of otherness. Placing other people’s needs and desires first, or centering my self-perception around what they said or did, was an extension of my upbringing.
At some point I had to find a way to break free from all that so my actions and interactions were no longer directed by a sense of obligation or fear, or the judgment of ‘right’ and ‘wrong,’ but fueled by real motivations emerging organically, from within. Fear and obligation come from a wounded place that pushes you to behave according to someone else’s expectations: it robs you of your inner voice and blocks your creative expression.
Time Stretches In Relation To Your Energy Engagement
Perhaps navigating life without your true voice reminds you of childhood, when things were simpler or you felt safe. Or maybe you unconsciously uphold the rules you were supposed to follow: be as quiet and obedient as possible, and don’t make waves—lest you’ll be silenced or punished or unloved. But now you have personal dreams and goals to attend to!
If your attention is focused on others and what they do, think, say, and more importantly, how they perceive you, you remain off-center. And it’s impossible to be fully present or enjoy life when you’re not centered, because you give your power away and reinforce past patterns that diminish your self-expression.
To create a meaningful life, you must know your emotional terrain to develop flexibility and also take charge of your energy and your time. Why? Because in this physical plane:
Energy + Time = Your Life
Energy always comes first, so if you manage your energy, managing your time according to your desires and priorities will be easier. Believe it or not, time stretches or shrinks depending on how present (or not) you are in what you do. The present is your place of power because it connects you to your infinite nature, but it’s very easy to get distracted by the ego-mind with doubts and judgments or past impressions.
The more focused you are, the more expansive your perception of time becomes, which translates into being more productive. Similarly, the more scattered your energy, the more exhausting and chaotic your endeavor, usually requiring more and more energy to complete. Mastering your energy means becoming self-aware and understanding why you do what you: what are the real motivations behind your thoughts and actions and whether they reflect self-love or fear.
More often than not, you experience mixed feelings and it’s hard to tell which emerge from your inner voice and which come from your resistance to change and the fear to move past your comfort zone. Here are 5 key points to help you out:
- Be aware of your attention: where your attention goes, your energy (and power) follows, expanding what you focus on. So what are you mainly focused on?
- Be aware of your energy: are you investing it in what gets you closer to or further from your goals? If the latter, prioritize and simplify.
- Be aware of your resistance: recognize how it manifests to distract or deter you from moving forward: self-doubt, guilt, dramas, chaos, illness, etc.
- Be aware of your time: how much time do you really invest in your goals and how much do you waste, and how? Again, prioritize.
- Be aware of your environment: it reflects your state of mind, so keep it clean and clutter-free to allow more energy to flow and support your endeavors. Yes, that includes toxic relationships. :-)
Any new venture entails contradictions, and any growth triggers resistance. So contact me today to develop emotional freedom and accomplish what only YOU can: a mindful, soul-guided life or business to share with your loved ones, your community, and the world!
© 2015 Yol Swan. All rights reserved.